I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
