remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize