New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
