dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
