That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
