I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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