either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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