why didn't you poke me back
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
