I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
