he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
