Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My penis needs a shock collar
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
