i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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