He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
