So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
