your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
