some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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