life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
