remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
