i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
