he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
