when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
