Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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