I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
