What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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