I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
