I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
