the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
