I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
