Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
