Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
sex in a hospital.. check
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
