i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
