I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
