i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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