does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
