I just threw up on my dentist
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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