Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
How's work?
Spinning.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If I die, sorry about rent.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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