I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
