my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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