Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
