End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
