Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
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I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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