Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
