it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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