i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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