my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
