i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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