Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
