Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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