Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
