Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
