Jerry, you need to find god
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
