I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
