Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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