So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
