Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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