My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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