is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
