The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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