two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
