thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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