The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
