I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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