I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
