So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
