She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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