She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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