Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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