Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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