Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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