Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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