Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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