who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize