This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
